Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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