i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
