he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
