no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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