How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
