is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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