My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
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