Im at strip club and am horny
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
