Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
