I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
