i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
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