Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
