NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Your penis caused this!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
