Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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