Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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