she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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