I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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