it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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