Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
