Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
