Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
