I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
