We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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