He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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