stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
