I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
