mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
