Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
