just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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