he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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