I think i peed on brittanys purse
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
