She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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