I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the condom got lost in my hair
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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