dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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