Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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