I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
