first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize