its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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