Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
don't judge my taste in strippers
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
