The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
