Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
