On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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