remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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