white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
