the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
