Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
