I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
