Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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