Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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