This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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