She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
