better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
