I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
whose parrot is this?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
