You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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