I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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