Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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