So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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