I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
