ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
