I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
