I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
