is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
