dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
