I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
