The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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