Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you didnt know i had herpes?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize