Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
