Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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