I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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