my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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