I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
